Blow By Blow
by Lady Drama
Summary: The Eleventh Division's unofficial motto: It's not the size of the man in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the man.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach._

_AN: Inspired by peroxidepest17's amazing fic, By the Sword and these wonderful prompts that someone left floating in the middle of cyberspace for me to mess with._

_Beta: PoisonLadyAnissina_

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1. Green  
**One of the first things you learnt in the Eleventh Division was to never waste your time waiting for a green signal. Fair fighting was a laughable concept in the barracks; it just didn't exist. The fight never really began or ended. It just went on. Like Ikkaku might bash the 6th Seat's head into a wall because Yumichika's feathers weren't curling right. The 6th Seat could retaliate (if he was still conscious) or haul his ass up and go pick on the 14th. It didn't matter who you fought or why you fought him. You just attacked whenever you felt like it, enjoyed the bloodbath and then walked away with whatever limbs you had left in time for dinner.

**2. Pencil**

Contrary to popular belief, the Shinigami of the Eleventh weren't illiterate. They knew how to pick up a pen and paper and scribble out reports. It was just that they believed in one-on-ones. Their fights were their own and they didn't see how that was anyone's business. Besides, Captain Zaraki just grunted and handed whatever they submitted to the First Division without looking at it. Or rather, he threw it at the back of his office, from where a First Division officer could collect it. But it a lot more likely to end up as Yachiru's new toy. Nevertheless, nobody really gave a shit, either about the paperwork or about the ink that inevitably ended up on Yachiru's face.

**3. Structure  
**They had a ranking system of their own, based on the most basic of evidence: physical evidence. Bruises, scars and muscles were alright for show, but it was actual combat skill that really counted. So if you had a professional wrestler's biceps, wicked scars and bruises on every inch of your body, a gleaming red-hot bike and a bandana around your forehead to complete the image but got your head sucked by Yachiru, you ranked lower than she did.

**4. Ruler**

Measurement was an important part of life in the Division Eleven barracks. Everyone always carried rulers in their pockets with a back up in their socks. You never knew when alcohol was going to be distributed and it was always a good idea to measure out your own share. Just to be sure. And also, to make sure that Ikkaku didn't wind up drinking the entire jug and then shifted the blame (and punches) on your head.

**5. Flip  
**Yumichika's hair flip was a thing of Eleventh Division legend. New recruits were told that it could knock you out, even if you weren't looking directly. Especially if you weren't looking directly. The vain 5th Seat did not appreciate people who did not give him their full attention during a Hair Flipping Show. If you did look directly then you had Ikkaku to deal with. A full (read: painful) interview about your exact intentions towards Yumichika would follow and if your answers weren't satisfactory, you wouldn't be looking at anything for a long time.

**6. Other**

Other Divisions had long ago given up on understanding the Eleventh. It was impossible to make sense of a Division in which the Captain was a bloodthirsty maniac who abandoned his post for the slightest possibility of a tough fight, the Vice-Captain was a pink-haired, candy-sucking monster with enough spiritual pressure to send a grown man to his knees, where the Third Seat refused to fight at full power no matter how critical the situation and the Fifth Seat refused promotion because he disliked the sound of the number Four. Besides these prominent figures, there were numerous thugs populating the barracks, each with his or her own code of honour, morals, manners, style of fighting and preference in alcohol.

**7. Mean  
**In the Eleventh Division, a fight didn't need to mean anything more complicated than a jostle of limbs and weapons which led to a few of each being discarded and everyone heading over to the Fourth Division with some extra sake, just in case they bumped into Captain Unohana. The other Divisions fought for causes and values. The Eleventh Division fought for the fight.

**8. Come**

Coming to your new Division's barracks for the first time was usually a terrifying experience for nervous, new Shinigami fresh out of the Academy. In the Eleventh, there was no such constraint. It could have been because of the fact that only the most foolhardy and reckless of the Academy's graduates dared to join the notorious group and such people rarely suffer from shyness. On the other hand, it could have been due to Ikkaku's habit of picking up the new recruits and throwing them through Zaraki's window to finish both his jobs – of presenting them to Captain Zaraki and of testing their toughness. At any rate, unconscious recruits couldn't feel anxious.

**9. Generation ****  
**The best bit about Shinigami was that they had all once been alive. This meant that the weapons found in the barracks of the Eleventh ranged from sabres to pistols. Every century, period and country that had ever existed in the Real World was to be thanked for the sheer variety of weapons found in the Eleventh. Two men who had belonged to the same tribe or country there but lived and died in different generations could often be seen comparing their differences through a fight.

**10. Anniversary**  
Ikkaku and Yumichika held a party every year in celebration of nothing in particular. At least that was the official version. The truth was that both friends had arrived at the Soul Society on the same day, albeit in different districts. But sissy activities like birthday parties were for pansies in other divisions. The Eleventh had blow-out galas in which everyone got piss-drunk, zanpakutos were unleashed and general mayhem prevailed.

**11. Special**  
When Yachiru wanted to know why there was no other girl like her in the whole Seiretei, he told her she was special. She wasn't sure what that meant but accepted the encomium anyway since it had come from her Ken-chan. When she managed to force Maki-Maki to tell her what the word meant she paused for a second to think about it, then shrugged and nearly bit his ear off.

**12. Contemplate  
**Yumichika had often contemplated the thought of Ikkaku passing on before him. He had believed that nothing could make him sadder than the loss of his friend. Then Ikkaku dyed his hair yellow and suddenly, Yumichika decided that he wouldn't mind his absence as much as he had thought.

**13. Power**

Ikkaku was afraid of power. He would never admit it to anyone other than Yumichika but he was. He was scared that his own power might land him in a position far higher than he wanted. His Bankai could have made him a Captain, but it would have meant abandoning his Division, where there was a fight and drink every day. He had spent many years in Rukongai alone and while he wouldn't trade the experience for anything, he didn't want to repeat it.

**14. True**  
If Zaraki possessed one virtue (which many doubted), it was his honesty. Captain Zaraki never lied, whether it was an attempt to trick an opponent in a fight or an excuse to Head Captain Yamamoto regarding his Division's abysmal paperwork.

**15. Noble  
**Byakuya Kuchiki may have feminine features and a pink zanpaktou but he sure as hell kicked ass and he didn't need to do more than that to earn the Eleventh Division's respect. Zaraki openly regretted the fact that Kuchiki hadn't been the Captain of the Eleventh, years ago when he had fought for his current position. He was also the subject of Yachiru's somewhat misguided infatuation but nobody had the guts to tell Captain Zaraki that.

**16. Prospect  
**When you fought, you weighed your prospects of winning before attacking. If you were a sure-fire victor, you attacked. If you could pull it off with a bit of luck, you attacked. If you didn't have prayer in hell, you attacked anyway.  
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17. Aspirant  
**Academy students aspiring to enter the Eleventh Division were often asked this age-old question: How many limbs do you think you really need?

**18. Forecast  
**Yachiru was the Eleventh Division's official weather forecaster. Zaraki had handed her the title after an adequate amount of whining on her part and regretted it ever since. Her weather predictions were about as accurate as her sense of direction. On the days Yachiru predicted clear skies, everyone bought umbrellas. Plus her style of delivering the news was rather unique. It consisted of jumping on a given Division member's head until he listened to her properly, to her satisfaction.

**19. Best  
**You gave nothing less than your best in every fight. It was considered a great insult in the Eleventh Division if a superior officer held back while fighting a junior member. The only way to train new recruits was to bruise them until they figured out a way to avoid the weapon that caused the bruise.

**20. Nature  
**The other Divisions thought that all the members of the Eleventh were loud, rude, brutal, heavy drinkers, ill-mannered and thuggish by nature. They were right. Captain Unohana saw them lug their opponents to her healers after fights and thought that they were big softies. She was right. The Eleventh Division thought that they were the coolest creatures in existence. They were right.


End file.
